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This morning, in a conversation discussing the importance of valuing our individuality, the gentleman with whom I was speaking made a statement that really struck me.

He said, "If you aren’t true to yourself, you are not allowing someone to love the person you truly are."

This lovely man gave an example from his own life… he is a well respected physician and as such, presented an image of what most people expect a doctor to be… but the woman he married came to love the image rather than the person he truly is and the relationship withered and died. After a divorce, he came to understand his own truth and allowed himself to reflect his uniqueness. He doesn’t exactly appear as the brilliant doctor he is, and might be mistaken for a guitarist in a rock band, nevertheless, his next partner was able to love him as he truly is. And their relationship is strong and healthy.

Typically I have been a rather vocal advocate for being true to oneself for the sole reason that it is in the very uniqueness of each of us, where we can bring forth our beauty and gifts.

But this simple statement broadened my awareness as I reflected on how we love each other and the importance of intimacy.

If we are living in a way, not in accord with who we truly are, and we are loved, who is it that is truly being loved? It is some pretend person, or some false image of us.

And, when we are living a lie, we are denying our beloved to love our true self.

Yet, if we show ourselves as we are, the love we receive is love that is real and alive.

The more we are real, the deeper the love. The more our lives are a pretense, the more the love we receive is based on non-reality.

If our partner is disallowed to discover our true self because we are not willing to be who we really are, we do her/him a disservice because it is in the very act of sharing our self that we elicit the closeness and evoke the love of another. We deny them the gift of loving who we are.

I believe the more we share our true selves, the deeper the love and the stronger the connection between two people.

The very act of opening our hearts, revealing who we are, and exposing our very soul, is exactly what we need to allow the love to enter into our awareness.

And, the gift we give to our partner as we reveal our true self is a real person to love…