Be who you are…

August 7th, 2007 by edspjc

This morning, in a conversation discussing the importance of valuing our individuality, the gentleman with whom I was speaking made a statement that really struck me.

He said, "If you aren’t true to yourself, you are not allowing someone to love the person you truly are."

This lovely man gave an example from his own life… he is a well respected physician and as such, presented an image of what most people expect a doctor to be… but the woman he married came to love the image rather than the person he truly is and the relationship withered and died. After a divorce, he came to understand his own truth and allowed himself to reflect his uniqueness. He doesn’t exactly appear as the brilliant doctor he is, and might be mistaken for a guitarist in a rock band, nevertheless, his next partner was able to love him as he truly is. And their relationship is strong and healthy.

Typically I have been a rather vocal advocate for being true to oneself for the sole reason that it is in the very uniqueness of each of us, where we can bring forth our beauty and gifts.

But this simple statement broadened my awareness as I reflected on how we love each other and the importance of intimacy.

If we are living in a way, not in accord with who we truly are, and we are loved, who is it that is truly being loved? It is some pretend person, or some false image of us.

And, when we are living a lie, we are denying our beloved to love our true self.

Yet, if we show ourselves as we are, the love we receive is love that is real and alive.

The more we are real, the deeper the love. The more our lives are a pretense, the more the love we receive is based on non-reality.

If our partner is disallowed to discover our true self because we are not willing to be who we really are, we do her/him a disservice because it is in the very act of sharing our self that we elicit the closeness and evoke the love of another. We deny them the gift of loving who we are.

I believe the more we share our true selves, the deeper the love and the stronger the connection between two people.

The very act of opening our hearts, revealing who we are, and exposing our very soul, is exactly what we need to allow the love to enter into our awareness.

And, the gift we give to our partner as we reveal our true self is a real person to love…

June 8th, 2007 by edspjc

The guy who loves his mom will be a good boyfriend. Why? Because if he has high respect for his mother, he will have high respect for women. (ehem…)

Don’t give everything away. Leave some things a mystery. Guys love conquest. If you already give your all, wala ng something to look forward to sa relationship nyo. And the guy will become kampante. Assure him of your love and faithfulness, but warn him too: "umayos ka diyan! You can lose me anytime…".

BIG PAGKAKAIBA: What a girl needs most is love. What a guy needs most is respect. The most important thing for a girl is her heart. For a guy its his ego. Give your man his own time and space.

Let him have his time for his friends, sports, family, self, and God. The relationship will grow old quickly if lagi kayong magkasama. Give him time to miss you and you’ll see how he will love you more. If the guy naman is obsessed and just wants to be with you all the time, tell him you cant respect a "puppy" for long. Do things differently anytime. Para kahit matagal na kayo, there is always something fresh and new.

Variety is the spice of life. Exciting baga? "Making love" is better than just "having sex". And true love "waits". Save your precious "gift" on your wedding night. Di nagiging tama ang mali, just because uso naman and everyone’s doing it. Be iba. Discover something you both like to do and enjoy it TWOgether.

Doon naman sa mga bagay na magkaiba ang hilig nyo, compliment each other by learning about it kahit konti. If you love someone, yung effort nyo to try will go a looooong way to understanding him later pag may disagreement kayo. Pray with holding hands. Sounds corny noh? Maybe, but its very powerful.

Pag may takot sa Diyos ang boyfriend,mo, kampante ka na di ka nya lolokohin, because he knows God sees everything he does in secret. Ikaw na ang magkusa that before you part after date, with hold hands and eyes closed, pray to God to bless you two.

Believe me it’s effective. Kailanman, di corny ang magdasal. Never think "mababago ko sya pag kami na…". Only God can change a person, and only if that person wants to. Even God cannot steer parked cars. Believe in "Magic". Kahit di minsan practical o walang logical na dahilan, o matrabaho, o sounds crazy sa iba, do sweet little things for the one you love kahit magmukha ka ng timang. The memories will be fun to recall later in life. The corniest song o gift o letter (aminin mo) ang laging kabog! True love brings out the best in each other.

Find something good in your boyfriend and nurture it, encourage it and syempre, ENJOY it. It’s healthy to fight. Doon nyo lang maaayos ang mga differences nyo at natetest ang tatag ng relationship. Doon mo rin sya makikilala ng mabuti. Its called test of fire. Di mahalaga how dalas you fight. What matters is how often you make bati. Mas nakakatakot yung relasyong sobrang perfect at laging masaya. One big fight and that’s it! And diba mas kilig yung malambing na… "uy, bati na tayo…". But don’t overdo it. Kakapagod naman din na lagi na lang manuyo o magsori.

Choose the battles na papatulan mo. The little issues, palampasin na. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Daraan sa iba’t-ibang stages ang love especially pag matagal na kayo. Grow with it. Don’t expect him to be like nung una. ‘Coz like a student, di na ituturo sa grade 6 yung lessons na pang-grade 2. Change WILL happen… you both will change and your love WILL change too. It’s up to you na lang if the change will be for the better or for the worse.

Life is about growth. Grow with it. When break up comes and it’s time to say goodbye, don’t doubt the love just because it didn’t last. May mga bagay sa buhay na di man nagtatagal, it doesn’t mean di na ito totoo. Some good things are just never meant to last forever. Okay lang yon. Bless the parting and move on. (Mastery) Expect tears, sorrow, sleepless nights and pain. Ika nga "it’s when you hurt the worse that you love the MOST." Kung di ka willing masaktan, wag ka na lang magmahal. (Sapul)

Life is a balance. And love is both holding on and letting go. Know when to fight for your man and when to let him go. God will guide you kung anong dapat gawin sa kung anong sitwasyon. So dapat mataas ang signal ng langit sa cellfone ng puso mo to know His wisdom. (Sana mabasa mo ito… oo ikaw…) Do things right. Di totoong masarap ang bawal gaya ng sabi ng iba. Kasi may kabayaran yon later. Corny ang madali. Paghirapan mong gawin ang tama at totoo and one day ikaw din ang aani ng bunga nito.

DATE IDEAS: A walk in the park, along the bay area watching the sunset, biking sa big, open spaces, stargaze at night sa ibabaw ng bubong, jog @ 5 am and wait for the sunrise, singing with a guitar (or a walkman) under a tree’s shade sharing hopia and siomai (yikes!). Wag lagi sa mall. Involve nature. The best things in life pa rin ay free. Di kailangan gumasta ng malaki para sumaya o maging romantic. Be creative.

Honesty is the best policy… ika nga ni Jimmy Santos. Pero laging nasa timing at paraan ng pagsasabi ang technique. Pag malumanay mong sasabihin sakin na ipagpapalit mo na ako sa iba o papatayin mo na ko sa sobrang gigil, Gosh! Mato-touch pa ko! May lambing eh!

Don’t NAG. Sabi ng don’t nag eh! Sabi ko don’t nag, don’t nag, don’t naaaaaaggg!!!

Yung effort, sa kahit anong gawain o effort mo ay laging 2 billion ganda/pogi points yan. Do little surprises every now and then. PARA SO HAPPY TWO-GETHER!!!

March 17th, 2007 by edspjc

ANG GAMOT  SA  NAGDURUGONG PUSO

   I really don’t know  how I came up with this… eh una sa lahat wala naman ako problem sa lovelife….pero wala lang… kahit sabihin kong masaya ako…parang di pa rin ako mapalagay na nakikita at naririnig sa mundong ito,may mga nasasaktan pa rin… at ang masakit pa nun… ang iba dun ang mga kaibigan ko. I’ve been hurt so many times na in my life, minsan pa nga.. mismong kakain ako ng big Mac eh te-text ako ng bf ko na pagalit.. ayun…sira na nanaman ang araw ko..!!

Yung mga iba ko namang kaibigan, mas matindi pa ang storya….pinagpalit daw sila sa iba… kunwari sila ang liligawan, pero yung naglakad pa sa kanila ang siyang nakatuluyan ng lalaki….hanubayun! Whatta sawi moment na maituturing! pero I made her realize na love is unfair talaga..lalo na pag ikaw ang nadehado. Parang naging survival of the fittest na nga ang nangyayari ngayon sa pag-ibig eh… Yung tipong pag maganda ka, gwapo ang makakatuluyan mo, at kapag pangit ka, laking tsamba lang pag may hitsura pa ang napili mo.

Eh ako naman di ganun kagandahan, di rin cute, minsan lang masabihan na may hitsura, eh di rin pinaligtas ng pag ibig..

haay…puro peklat na talaga tong puso ko…. dahil na rin siguro sa mga sugat noon. Ilang taon din akong nagtiis na walang minahal…..or should I say walang nagmamahal sakin?


That was the worst period of my life. Yung tipong mahal ko lang ang sarili ko dahil no choice eh.. La naman nagmamahal sakin, wala nga nagkakagusto sakin.. San pa ako? BUT as they always say….IN every cloud, there’s a silver lining! Oo tama, dahil sa mga panahong hirap ako sa lablayp..natutunan ko na rin ang mag survive sa hirap at sakit nadulot ng pag-ibig.


Nandyan yung aliwin ang sarili sa barkada, pagbabad sa bilyaran o sa computer,pag aliw sa sarili ng ilang oras sa chat… o kaya’y ubusin ng husto ang laman ng ref mo, at sa mga babae naman, eh mag pa parlor, punta sa bahay ng bespren…lahat na para lang makalimutan ang mapait na nakaraan. So ano nga ba talaga ang mga gamot sa nagdurugong puso?

   "IT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO THAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE, BUT HOW YOU THINK."

Kahit libutin mo na ang buong

Luzon

, visayas at mindanao para kalimutan siya, kung hindi pa rin magbabago ang mindset mo about love.. sorry dude! WA EPEK…as in wala.. blanko… void…. null… empty set… zero percent…kapos…mintis… airball…. eh bakit?

Material pleasure can’t compensate for the pain your heart receives…..at pag ang heart ang nasaktan.. apektado na rin malamang ang utak.. coz they are in mutual status… masaktan ang isa…. masasaktan na rin ang kabila.

Try changing your mindset….. kung baga sa computer eh kung panay palpak ang ginagawa ng hardware mo, at nagtataka ka kung bakit nakailang palit kana eh sa karton pa rin ang ending nya, eh baka sa software na mismo ang problema, di ba? Kung basted ka ng babaeng mahal mo….. drinking everynight and bar hopping won’t do you good, tska gastos lang yan!!!


Lying in

ur

bed the whole night and rolling there like a lumpia won’t help you ease the pain. Dapat alam mo na ang gagawin…. PRAY!!!

Kahit gano ka pa ka demonyo eh sa pagdarasal pa rin ang tuloy mo dude.

Totoo yun. Find a time alone na one day, kausapin mo Siya na parang kabarkada mo lang cya..talk to Him as if kausap mo ang pinaka close na tao sa buhay mo…He can touch the hardest hearts! and the vainest minds.

He did that to me and im sure magagawa din nya sa inyo yun. Sa mga iniwanan ng kanilang bf/gf eh wag na wag kayo manonood ng mga movies na may IWANAN na tema.. its like jumping into a quicksand… lalo nyo lang nilubog ang sarili nyo.. sa mga nagsesenti naman… o sige oks lang yan… kasi ako rin ganun e.. di ba nga ang music is the choir of  your heart? kahit ga-BALDE na ang luha mo kaiiyak sa tune ng “One last Cry” ni Brian McKnight eh oks lang un… kahit in reality hindi. Try straightening your goals, point of views, or beliefs.

Ano ba talaga ang gusto mo mangyari sa buhay mo? Sa lovelife mo?

Siya ba talaga ang mahal mo? Kung siya talaga at di ka nya mahal, is it necessary ba talaga na dapat maging kayo para sumaya ka? Unconditional ba talaga ang love mo for him? Eh bakit naghahanap ka ng kapalit na pagmamahal?
Bakit ka nasasaktan pag nalaman mong di ka pala mahal? Ano ba  talaga ang definition mo ng loving someone? Bukal ba sa loob mo na masaya ka for her/him kahit hindi ikaw ang reason ng kanyang happiness? May umiibig bang hindi nabibigo? Pwede ka bang magmahal na hindi nasasaktan?

Anong gusto mo, magmahal na masaktan, o hindi mahalin? You see, asking yourself these questions might straighten those curly love lashes of yours. Don’t think of your inferiority, yung tipong kesyo pangit ka, may pimples ka, kulang ka sa height, kulang sa pera….

Kasi if the girl or guy dumped you dahil lang sa kakulangan mo sa pisikal na bagay, eh hindi talaga siya deserving na mahalin.. pramis!! Ibang tao lang talaga ang bagay para sa kanila. Ikaw ba yung tipong tao na nakikita ang love in a black and white scale?

Well…its now the right moment to realize na ang love have gray spots in it.. na hindi lahat ng tama ay tama at di lahat ng

mali

ay

mali.

Being not open to these gray spots would spell disaster sa inyong "Getting over" na stage… ano ba talaga tong gray spots na to?

Yung tipong people who tend to fall-out of love… hindi sa nag-sasawa pero bigla na lang nila nalalaman na hindi na pala nila mahal yung gf/bf nila.. there’s nothing really wrong about it (sa isang side).. kasi ganun talaga… di naman din nya sinadya na mahalin ka eh.. eh malamang di rin nya sadya ang mawala ang love nya…tamang isipin natin na love is a feeling… but it is not a decision…
the decision part comes only when it concerns MAINTAINING the love…so as long as there’s a feeling of love.. may decision kang i-maintain yun….but yun nga.. WHAT’S THE POINT OF MAINTAINING SOMETHING NA WALA NA TALAGA? Eh kung wala nang love… eh wala na talaga. Kung tumagal man kayo, baka awa na lang ang nararamdaman niya to you. That’s why it is important na ma clarify mo ang sarili mo sa mga ganitong gray spots….

Wala kang gelplen or boyplen……. SO WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? sa unang tingin nakakainggit..kasi nga may ka holding hands sila.. may natatawagan para mag goodnight at i love you at kung anong klaseng panlalambing…. pero kung tutuusin… may kanya kanyang advantage at disadvantage ang pagiging single.

Disadvantages nga ung nabanggit earlier in this paragraph.
Ang advantage? You can takecare of yourself, or pag nagaaral ka pa eh you can concentrate on

ur

  thesis…Magagawa  mo rin ang di mo magagawa pag meron kayong ka relasyon, tama ba ako?

So dont tell  me na hindi ka masaya dahil lang sa wala kang gf/bf…. ang dami pang single dyan, and karamihan sa kanila eh masaya din sa buhay nila.. believe me. Pero we should also take into consideration na masarap din ang feeeling ng na aalagaan.. at  minmahal di ba?

Well… that’s where appreciating what your friends do to you comes into play. Friends or peers will always be there.. Yung mga ka barkada mong iniwan mo sa ere para lang dumamubs sa yong girl eh babalik at babalikan mo rin bandang huli….although hindi talaga healthy na sabihing " Haaay sakit lang sa ulo yang mga lalaki" or "Gastos langang alam ng mga babaeng yan"…. we should be fair….  ganun talaga… some will win..some will lose. There’s no point getting lost in your life…nakagawa man sila ng

mali

… sila na ang bahala dun.. they only gave you the opportunity to react… but not the specific reaction.

Kung nasaktan man tayo, hindi na nila problema yun, problema na natin yun.

Pag ikaw ba eh nagmukmok sa isang sulok dahil sa ginawa nya eh iiyak ba sya? Hindi. Sa huli ikaw ang kawawa. After a break up….. act and look better.


Sa unang rinig eh parang ang hangin ng dating… but the

fact is… kailangan mo talaga gawin to.

Why? Imagine you just had a break up with your gf or bf.. tapos magpapaka-awa effect ka to her…papasuin mo ang sarili mo ng yosi or maglalasing every night or magpupuyat hanggang sa magkaron ka na ng eye bags… tapos bigla ka nakita ng X mo… ano na lang ang sasabihn ng X mo???

Kung balikan ka nun eh wag ka na rin matuwa kasi for sure malaki ang probablity nun eh naawa lang sya sa  yo. Stand tall and proud. HELLO?!?!??!

Sino ba cya? As if mamamatay ka pag nawala siya, oo mahal mo siya…. pero kailangan naman mahalin mo rin ang saril mo, a man who can’t love himself cannot truly love others.. look better not in a way na makakabingwit ka uli ng mga guys pero in a way na hindi ka talaga magmukhang talunan.


And besides, pag nagkita kayo, make him/her tell to him/her self… "Gosh!! Yan ba ung iniwanan ko? How can i let her slip away from me?" O  di ba? Kasi kung mukha ka na tlga losyang o dugyot after your break up eh baka lalo lang nya naisip na tama ang naging break up nyo. Explore your world….. kahit mahal natin ang isang tao… we can’t move away from the fact na kailangan natin maging exposed… di ba?

It’s like a butterfly in a bottle of mayonnaise..  di makawala… di Makita ng ibang tao ang kanyang kakayahan at kagandahan….  and even worse baka mamatay pa yun, di ba?

Sa mga probs na ganyan… alcohol and cigarettes don’t work. Harapin mo na agad ang reality na nangyayari ang mga ganung bagay na hindi natin gusto.

Pagsubok lang yan… hindi pa yan kamatayan. Funny coz lagi na lang sinasabi satin na The Lord God won’t give us problems na hindi natin masosolve… pero still parang nagbibingi-bingian pa rin tayo….natatakot pa rin tyo…

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Ano ba talaga ang goal mo? Ang magmahal o magkaron ng gf/bf? If you chose the latter, hindi ka talaga magiging happy…. Stop looking for love.. start being lovable. Open your heart to pain..coz with pain comes happiness…. happiness na hindi kaagad nahahanap.. coz it slowly integrates from those little things that you do for love!

Wear a  smiling face always…. but dont smile alone… baliw ang tawag dun!

What i mean  is people tend to get close to those whom they know na masayaand maganda ang mindset. Stop talking and thinking about failures and pain…. coz what you think would most likely attract you.

But as always, its easier said than done…. tulad ko… ang dali kong sabihin to kasi im not in a not-so-nice situation.. pero natutunan ko tong mga to from my experience na rin eh…hindi naman talaga madali… pero hindi rin talaga mahirap.

Its all in the mind and the heart. Kahit ano pang gawin sayo ng pag-ibig….. always open your heart…. dapat laging alive….because you cannot love with a dead heart.


Dont ever tell yourself na ikaw ang pinakakawawang nilalang sa pag-ibig….pano na lang ang mga taong namatayan…. mas masakit yun di ba? Nagkataon lang talaga na iba iba tayo ng problema….

"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn’t even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn’t mean that you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let  go!"

J

Love,

eds

“things you should know!..”

September 23rd, 2006 by edspjc

No Magic, No Secrets:
Stop looking for love. It doesn’t work that way. Focus on your self-improvement. Extend yourself to others. Present the best person you can to those you encounter. Love will find you.

Are you a Jerk:
Women are used to dealing with jerks. They have "jerk radar" and special jerk-avoidance strategies. They discuss this among themselves all the time. If you are a jerk or have jerk-like tendencies, you are doomed until you change. It’s just that simple.

Flirting:
You should be flirting at every opportunity. Flirting is all about conversation. The way to a woman’s heart is through her ear. Hence, you need to speak to as many women as possible every day. You are not rude, aggressive, threatening — just friendly. A bit of friendly small talk never hurt anyone.

Don’t Live for Love, Love to Live:
You were happy before you met her and if things don’t work out you will be happy afterwards. So this is the secret. It’s not a Porsche, ripped abs or the right pair of sunglasses. You are a pleasure to be with because you are basically happy with yourself and your life. Things are just better when you are around.

Meeting Her Friends N Family:
When meeting her friends and family, remember, you are about to be put on display. Listen twice as much as you talk; drink very little, if at all; and try to keep the evening reasonably short. All you have to do is relax, let her do the work and avoid stupid mistakes.

Friendship:
If you can be successful at becoming friends with a woman you have the basis for building a relationship with any woman. You need to develop the skills and have the experience. Besides, you can never have too many friends.

“When I say..”

August 30th, 2006 by edspjc

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I’m not shouting "I’m clean livin’."
I’m whispering "I was lost,
Now I’m found and forgiven."

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I’m not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say… "I am a Christian"
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow!

Broken Hearted???

August 28th, 2006 by edspjc

Who understands love? Who understands women?

Love is such a complex feeling; the happiness, the fear, the hope, the wait… . It is so wonderful to be in love: every little insignificant bacteria seems to be there just to be loved, your brain starts flooding with feelings of "everlasting love", "first kiss" and some other useless stuff. I can’t deny it is wonderful… As long as it lasts. As soon as you are abruptly pulled from the clouds painted in pastel colors, you see that it was all for nothing, that you wasted your time chasing a dream that will hardly become true.

From the very first moment I thought he was a good guy, and as time passed and I got to know him better, I told myself he was almost perfect (almost perfect because no one is perfect and because of other minor things not worth mentioning). So, I began fancying him. We always wrote each other SMS and chatted online. I really loved writing to him and playing those "online msn games"; sometimes I lost on purpose to cheer him up, I remember at some point having told him I really liked him (because he asked me who I liked), and he seemed ok with that. We have been friends all this time, frequently writing SMS and chatting almost every night on the messenger.

You will be probably thinking "everything seems to be fine, then, what the heck happened?"

I just feel like our friendship is slowly cooling down. He doesn’t reply my messages as he did a few days ago, and I can’t feel the same emotion there existed when we chatted. I feel like loosing him, and I want to give up trying to win him. What I fear most is to lose him as a friend; you can’t imagine how wonderful he is.

Love is such a complex feeling; you have to dive in it to feel it, but you can drown when you realize what the reality is like. Now I feel like not wanting to fall in love again, because everyone I do, I’m the one who drowns…

August 22nd, 2006 by edspjc

10 Crucial and Surprising Steps to Build Trust in a Relationship

1. Be predictable.

When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What’s up? Why is he doing that? He’s never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn’t mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!

2. Inform your significant other when you become "unpredictable."

No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven’s sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, "I really don’t know what is going on in me right now, but I’m moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!"

3. Make sure your words match the message.

Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here’s a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, "How do I look?" (And she’s wearing a dress you don’t particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, "You look great." You don’t really mean it and a part of her knows you really don’t mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal - we all have done something similar - but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here’s how to match the words with the nonverbal: "I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She’s not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She’s not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!

4. Believe the other person is competent.

I hear this phrase very often: "But, I don’t want to hurt him." A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn’t trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. "Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!"

5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets.

If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn’t talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can’t trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I’m not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.

6. Let YOUR needs be known - loudly.

Be a little - no, be a lot - self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here’s a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to "win him back." So she begins an all out effort to "work on the marriage." She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to "be nice" and meet every need he ever said he had. She’s going to "fill his tank with goodies." Doesn’t work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels "smothered" or maybe even resentful: "Why is she doing this NOW!" She’s hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive - if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine - just doesn’t work. It’s perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn’t say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so "nice and caring?" Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: "I need?x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?" He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, "What about my needs?" You respond, "I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly." Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn’t you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn’t that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?

7. State who YOU are - loudly.

It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you’re like most of us, you haven’t given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don’t you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don’t you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You’re concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn’t destroy trust. But it doesn’t create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then?begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.

8. Learn to say NO!

Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don’t stop, you demand they stop. If they don’t stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?

9. Charge Neutral.

When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don’t speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won’t fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don’t people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your "quiet center," remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.

10. Dig into the dirt.

Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.

IF A MAN WANTS YOU…

August 12th, 2006 by edspjc

~~~
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. 
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you, find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can’t "be friends."  A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think "it will get better." You’ll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.  He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior.  Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man.
Oh Lord!  If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about
baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies….. You’ll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

what your body language tells–

August 10th, 2006 by edspjc

Body language is fascinating. People rarely recognize how much information they give off and how noticeable it is to the human eye. Even to the untrained human eye. It is said that no less that 50 percent of information on a person’s character, impact and credibility is conveyed through no verbal communication.

The following is a list of some common body postures and states the persons position.

Meanings of body actions

Arms crossed: Defensive and cautious.

Resting chin on palm: Critical, cynical and negative towards the other person.

Dropping eyeglasses onto the lower bridge of the nose and peering over them: Causes negative reactions in others.

Slowly and deliberately taking off glasses and carefully cleaning the lens: The person wants to pause and think before raising opposition or asking for clarification.

Pinching bridge of the nose: Communicates great thought and concern.

Nose-rubbing or nose-touching: A sign of doubt, it often reveals a negative reaction.

Rubbing around ears: Performed while weighing an answer, commonly coupled with ‘well, I don’t know’.

Resting feet on a desk or chair: Gestures of territorial hegemony.

Swaying back: Weak ego.

Retracted shoulders: Suppressed anger.

Direct Eye Contact: Interested, likes you

Smiling Eyes: Is comfortable

Relaxed Brow: Comfortable

Limited or No Eye Contact : Lying, uninterested, too confined, uncomfortable, distracted

Tension in Brow : Confusion, tension, fear

Shoulders hunched forward : Lacking interest or feeling inferior

Rigid Body Posture : Anxious, uptight

Crossed arms : Can be just cold, protecting the body, or defensive

Tapping Fingers : Agitated, anxious, bored

Fidgeting with hands or objects (i.e., pen) : Bored or has something to say

Leaning forward : Interested

Fingers Interlocked placed behind the head leaving elbows open and armpits exposed : Very open to ideas, comfortable

Mirroring you : Likes you and wants to be friendly

Still : More interested in what you are saying than anything

Eyes open slightly more than usual: Gives people the impression that they are welcome.

Breath faster: Nervous or angry

Inhaling loudly and shortly: Wants to interrupt a speaking person

Loud sigh: Understand the thing that is being told.

Twisting the feet continuously : A person is nervous or concerned, but can also mean that a person is stressed or angry and that he don’t want to show that to everybody.

Legs wide apart or Sitting straddle-legged: Shows that a person is feeling safe, and is self - confident. Can also show leadership.

A big smile that goes on longer and disappears slower.: Unreal or fake smile

Crossed legs with highest foot in the direction of the speaker.: Relaxed and self-confident and they are listening very carefully.

Rapidly nodding your head : Shows impatient and eager to add something to the conversation

Slowly nodding: Shows interest and that they are validating the comments of the interviewer, and this subtly encourages him to continue.

Dangling the loose shoe from the toes : Signals physical attraction

Rubbing your collar: Nerves

Adjusting your tie: Insecurity

Pressed Lips: Pressed lips convey disagreement and disapproval. It communicates a desire to end the discussion. A raised chin implies aggression that may be acted on if the conversation is not ended.

Pursed Lips: This is also a sign of disapproval. It indicates that the person has fixed views that cannot be changed. This usually reveals an arrogant and superficial character.

Biting the Lips: The person expresses embarrassment when he bites his lips. He also communicates a lack of self-confidence.

Reading Hand Signals: People have been granted with two hands: the left and the right hand. The left has been dubbed as the "emotional hand" since an imaginary line can be drawn from the third finger leading directly to the heart. This is why the wedding ring is placed on this finger. The right hand, literally on the other hand. has been named the "proper hand" since it is with this hand that people communicate a blocking or stopping signal.

Open Hands: Open hands may be demonstrated by showing the palm of one’s hand, especially in a conversation or an argument.. This expresses a trust in other and an interest in their opinions. It also offers an opinion and invites the sharing of the other person’s view.

Covered Hands: This is expressed by raising the back of one or both hands against others. This indicates the setting up of barriers or the keeping of distance. It is an act of concealing feelings and covering insecurity

Clinging Hands: Those who cling to objects, such as handbags. files or tables. show a need for support. This action conveys confusion or insecurity. It expresses fear and difficulty in coping with the current situation.

Twisted Hands ( crossing both hands then clasping the palms together) : Expression of a complex personality. It may indicate a difficult emotional life. The way the palms are held together conveys a need to hide something.

Clasping the hands : indicates defence.

Shrugged shoulders: You can recognize stressed shoulders by the fact that they are a bit shrugged, which does make the head look smaller. The meaning of the signal comes from crouching in dangerous situations.

The meaning of this posing depends on the combination. In combination with big eyes it means that someone is concerned about something that is going to happen. In combination with a face that is turned away it means that the person wants to be left alone. An introvert person has nearly always those stressed shoulders.

Difference in level of both shoulders: By most of the people the left and the right shoulder are of the same height. When they are not, it often means that someone is doubting about what he is going to do. With this movement we simulate (unconscious) that we are weighing the possibilities. Sometimes when someone makes this movement, his head will move a little like he is looking above.

Crossed arms: There are a lot of different explanations of the meaning of crossed arms. When someone has crossed arms and he is shaking his head it means that he does not agree with you. But he can also cross his arms when he is frightened, then his arms give him some protection. Another option is that he is feeling cold and he is trying to hold his body-warmth with him. When someone is sitting in a chair with his arms crossed, it indicates that the person is relaxed.

Making a fist from your hands: A fist is a sign for aggression. It comes from hitting someone. But it is seldom used with a threatening meaning. Most of the time it is used to indicate that you are angry or irritated.

Holding the hand before the mouth: Holding a hand before your mouth means that you are hiding something. In western countries it is impolite to belch or to hiccup. So someone can hold his hand before his mouth to hide that he is hiccupping. When someone puts his hand before his mouth when he is talking it indicates that he is saying something or has said something that he did not want to say.

Making the eyes look larger: The meaning of making the eyes look larger can be that someone is astonished. In that case he opens his mouth a little. It can also mean that he is happy or that he likes the thing that is talked about. And because it means that you like something, you can use it on purpose. It pleases people when you have your eyes opened a bit further.

When people open their eyes a bit further it can also mean that they are unhappily surprised. Then they will frown their eyebrows.

Raising the eyebrows: Raising the eyebrows shortly means that people are surprised. They raise their eyebrows to allow them to look better. But it can also mean that somebody is looking at you, and that he likes you.

Raised forehead: A raised forehead often means that someone is remembering something he has seen. This often happens very quickly. It can also be a sign of a certain emotion. It is a biological reflex that you raise your forehead a little when you are crying so the tears can move easier.

Pursed lips: When somebody purses his lips it means that he has to make a decision and is thinking about that. Sometimes he also moves his lips, like he is saying the possibilities. When somebody purses his lips, he often looks a bit upward.

Firm Handshake: The strong, firm handshake usually is given by a person who is sure and confident of themselves.

Weak hand shake: People who give these types of handshakes are either nervous, shy, insecure, or afraid of interaction with other people.

Cleared your throat: Nervousness.

Bitten your fingernails: Nervousness.

Wring your hands: Nervousness.

Paced the floor: Nervousness.

A person is bouncing their legs and their arms are crossed over or their torso is slumped: Closed off

Funny side of Love!!!

July 26th, 2006 by edspjc

Why do we love ba?

so we can have somebody to talk to?

Someone who can be there pag gusto natin gumala?

a person na pwedeng manlibre satin?
taong magbibitbit ng gamit mo?

ALALAY for short! 

Eh pano kung di ka nya mahal?

would you still love him/her?
would you still continue to care for that person?

Bakit naman hinde?

you didnt love that person para magkaroon ka ng alalay dba,

magkaroon ka ng instant meal dahil libre,

taong gagawa ng assignments mo or projects,

or taong mahihila mo if you want to go out…

if thats what you think about love well sorry

ang BABAW mo!

loving a person doesn’t need to have a criteria na dapat maganda o guwapo,

dapat mabait or understanding,
kasi once you fall inlove you take the risk of accepting dat person
kahit maingay sya matulog,…..yuuung hilik ng hilik
kahit matakaw sya o sobrang fat na hindi kayo kasya pag puno ang jeep!
kahit sobrang moody nya na kulang na lang ay sapakin mo sa inis!
yung sobrang selosa/seloso na pati barkada pinagseselosan..
badtrip diba?

And yung napaka-arte OA kung baga!

o kahit ano pang bagay that would turn you off…
hirap talaga magmahal trying to be PERFECT kase
gusto mong magtagal pero hindi yun ang sagot sa lahat…

So lesson is ….ACCEPTING the real person fully

kase if you said na mahal mo sya you dont need
to find answers kung bakit mo sya mahal…
kase lahat ng tao nagbabago but if you accept
that person magbago man sya in the middle of your
relationship hindi ka masasaktan kase you know that darating
din yun.. tsaka tanggap mo sya ng buo…

mahirap gawin pero masarap subukan dahil

wala ng sasaya pa if you let one person feel na
MAHAL NA MAHAL mo sya without asking 4 anything in
return…

then you can say wow un pla ang LOVE! 

Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect.

It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections…

I Do you know I exist, just to promise you this,
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you answer my prayer,
I cross my heart and I’d swear
Endlessly to be true to you,
And if you’d only see
How beautiful you and I would be, endlessly

hahahaha!!!Grabe na itong kakornihan na ito

Nakakatawa talaga ang love.

Isa siyang napakalaking oxymoron.

Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya,

baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin.

Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw.

Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal.

Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo.

Walang rason. Maraming rason.

Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin.

Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang. Sus, ano ba talaga?!

May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati "Love is only for stupid people."

Nakakatawa kasi laude ang standing niya,

pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang.

At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon.

Lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din.

O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang. hehehehe!!!!

Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig.

Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din niya.

Lahat ng malalakas na tao, humihina.

Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba.

Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa.

Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot.

Ang malulungkot, sumasaya.
Nakakatawa talaga.

Lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal.

Napansin ko nga eh. Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit….haaaayyy,

sabihin mo lang ang magic words na

"Ayoko na ma-inlove!" biglang WACHA!

Ayan na siya.Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman.

Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing galing mo?

Pero ‘pag problema mo na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemang tao?

Naiisip mong wala namang

mali

dun sa mga sinabi mo.Pero bakit parang wala ring tama?

Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. "Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh!"

"Ang sarap mabuhay,Pwede na ‘ko mamatay. Now na!"

At hindi lang ‘yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan

ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila

eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig.

Tapos ‘pag luray-luray na yung puso nila,

Ang Rason eh siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan.

Siya! "Bakit niya ko sinaktan?"huhuhuhu….

May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon, at pagbabagsak ng pinto.

Hayop talaga.

Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga

bagay na nakakatawa ‘pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-usapan.

Ang daming beses ko na kasi siya nakasalubong

kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na ‘ko.
Pero wala pa rin akong alam.

Pero ang pinakanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang

Kapag gusto magpatawa ng pag-ibig,

Ipusta na mo na lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline.

Nakakatawa no?